105 [93e.] Resurrection/Ascension/Parusia
Oil on Canvas 4.5′ x 3′ 1986
Painting for the Mural of the Resurrection/Ascension/ Parusia
St. Joseph Church, Santa Ana, California.
(Mural unfinished.)
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Chapter Four
In which:
-The Last stories
-Miracles and Mandalas
-Kundalini Ascent (return?)
-Concluding Flourish
-P.S.
One last story. In Sarnath, I developed a bad migraine. My friends brought in a lama who burned something, had me inhale the smoke and said some prayers over me. The migraine went away and I fell asleep. I had been having a bad run of migraines for several months. I haven’t had any since. (…at the time of this writing, 1990) What the lama burned was a piece of fabric from the clothing of a Tibetan holy man who was still living! Remarkable.
Bishop…
Ten years ago, I went to India to study Tibetan Buddhism with the Abbot of a Nyingma monastery. Among the stages of initiation that he told me about were mandala offerings. Since then, I have made thousands of such offerings, though not in the exact pattern that he taught me and not nearly the 100,000 repetitions that are traditionally expected. But many thousands…
Then last summer, 1989, I attended the ten day, Kalachakra Initiation given by H. H. the Dalai Lama, in Santa Monica, California. I was seated less than twenty feet from His Holiness much of the time, so I was able to observe the construction of a large powder (sand) mandala during the rituals. Watching ‘the behind the scenes’ activities of the ritual assistants was as valuable to my understanding of such rituals as what was going on up front. (See Ph.D. Appendices on Buddhism and the Mandala.)
Bishop, let me recap what happened in these ‘closing’ moments. Because something happened there that brought me back from the venomous destruction of the ritual’s climax to complete this image of the spiritual warrior.
The Kalachakra was among several events, some traumatic, that lead to my being remarkably energized (in a vision by my Spirit guide animal, my ‘familiar’), nearly twenty-four hours of disconcertingly high energy. Then, I was drawn into a visionary experience, into the interior spiritual realm. I was present there to observe the rising of a vast, horrific, black snakelike beast and its subsequent galactic travel; then its entrance through my perineum (or earth chakra) up my spine to become my skeletal and psychic nervous system. At first this was a terrifying experience. Over a period of days it took on a very attractive quality of white glimmering light.
These psychic events precipitated/facilitated(?) last fall’s travel to India somehow, because it was immediately following that experience when travel to India became not only possible, but a bit of a “coup” against all the odds of what was happening in my life at that time.
To better explain the sequential development of the rest of experience and what has happened spiritually, I try to compare it–for what its worth, within the structure of my recent journey, to a classic Kundalini awakening. I believe this to be a comparative depiction for a Christian realization. Following the sequence in the Shrichakra mandala described by Tucci’s book on the mandala (Tucci Appendix plate III):
1. The earth chakra, Muladhara, at the perineum and Svadhisthana at the base of the genital organs is represented by my experience with the chthonic creatures, the black widow and the vast black snake, just before my departure for India last summer.
2. The experience in Hawaii, according to my journal, concluded with, among other things, an uncomfortably, brightly active, but also pleasing energy flowing around the Manipura (naval) chakra. Also in Hawaii, while reading a novel in bed, a communication came into my consciousness, “We will be with you there.” (I assumed that came from the floral pungent, moist and watery spirit of those sometimes desert islands.) I also assumed that meant support for the upcoming ‘challenge’ in India(?)
3. The experience in Agra that was so disturbing was an unrequited affair of the heart; the Anahata chakra in the heart. Personally earthshaking.
4. News about the coincidence of the great earthquake (Loma Prieta/San Francisco) and my own disturbance in Agra came to me from the ‘throat’ chakra, the voice of a holy woman, the Visuddha.
5. The violent headaches in Dharamsala (the top of my head felt like it was coming off as I was taken to the hospital…) indicate the activity in theSahasrara Chakra, at the top of the head. (The Yamataka (remover of obstacles) Initiation was being given in the Dalai Lama’s Monastery at this time.)
6. The vision of the “dragon-man” and the staff through his forehead, is the opening of the Ajna Chakra, or the opening of the “third eye”.
7. The energy flow from the earth through the marrow of my skeleton preceding the terrible headaches and the concluding sense of the connection with the skeletal structure of the earth makes the microcosmic- macrocosmic leap. Thus, the purpose of the Shrichakra Mandala is to some degree effected with the resulting sense of somehow having come of age, of elevated integration, peace and normalcy, of having died, of giving up my powers, to be empowered in preparation for…
This seems to be a fairly clear “Kundalini”/mandala experience spread over several months and thousands of miles. (Even if it were not actual fact, I believe it displays a subjective understanding of the “powers” of the mandala as cosmoplan of at least human perception if not a cosmoplan of the world.)
As my tantric studies have concluded in India, my shamanistic studies–also an element of my Ph.D. comprehensives, conclude with a stay at the American Indian reservation pueblo of Zuni, New Mexico. In Zuni, it was the dances and some of the masks in the context of the larger Native American religion that take one to that “other” place of nothingness that is everything. The old, sacred masks (the cultural environment is such that, that which is old has a greater chance of being revered as sacred due to a closer proximity to the Origin) when worn confer on the wearer divinity itself. The impersonator becomes the impersonated. In one case, the God is sacrificed for the good of all. The dances, in which the masks are worn, are danced to effect all that is good. (Rain becomes the widely hailed metaphor for what is beneficent.) These art forms help create a relationship with nature especially, there in that special “place”, that I feel to be of great power. That is why I went there. There is an old Church there, a 16th century Catholic mission, in which murals of the Kachinas are being painted. That ancient building is the integration and amplification of ancient spiritual power from two great traditions. I celebrated mass there several times, talked to the artist, and visited that side of the pueblo often.
Visions at Zuni:
3/10/90
The Shrichacra mandala pattern of Kundalini realization identified as the pattern of the Indian mandala pilgrimage!!! (described above)
3/12/90
Sky mating earth ritual–sense of sinking into the local water-table: connubial bliss with the water goddess. Rains follow.
3/10/90-3/23/90
Battle with Steel Staff from Yemen. Weather Working: Water, Earth, Air Working Elementals. The Yemen staff is retired. ???
4/3/90
Yesterday the ritual of creating a battle mandala continued at grotto where the Dragon-man from India was cured. But then the Steel staff, in a spontaneous arising vision, heated to melting point and the lower half fell away through the earth to the sky below!!
Now all is open sky above, sky below. Puncture through earth plane. I am still holding. Holding. I still have the very sharp sword. If worse comes to worse there are still the direct energies. I must disappear to survive.
Later:
Staff is replaced by large earth-red shield. I am now solely warrior. I am naked, clothed in lightness and darkness behind shield with large, sharp steel sword in my right hand surrounded by auras of protective mandalas.
THE FIGURE OF THE WARRIOR IS NOW COMPLETE,
and soon to launch the salvific ‘first strike’…
What I am about as a priest, Catholic, and artist should be clearer to you now so that you may judge more accurately my ‘fitness’ to continue publicly as a priest.
Bishop, the human body and the body of creation engage to produce the mandala’s intention. Completion. (inadequate term…) of personality, of world, God…) The aesthetic experience of that is fairly elitist, since few would go to the trouble to conjure it. So, in evaluating art objects, as related to this story, perhaps we could look at the painted, 3-D, or sand mandalas as psychedelic substances, from the art world rather than the plant world, meant to: aid one’s journey of transformed consciousness; to catalyze growth and holiness as “fetish” power objects; to provide, in a ritual context, for the divine encounter with “self”; to be a “personality” to engage us in the “Grand Affair.”
This story, Nepsis, is meant to function like that. Conceptually, the Mandala, like the Crucifix or the Sacraments for pre-Reformation Christians, represents the distilled codification of a vast “wisdom” gleaned from eons of cultural and esoteric reduction, to produce substances (art objects), and processes (rituals, religions), symbols if you like, that engage the divine to the greatest degree possible. Why? For Love. For the union of all things open and luminous. For complete realization, resolution of the divine mundane conflict.
In my own conflict that has produced this story, and the world’s conflict, the battle seems necessary, as this play of dualities that produces the world is necessary. The Fall, the “necessary Sin of Adam”: Necessary as the Aryans invading northern India to produce the Vedas and thus Buddhism and Hinduism. Necessary as the Conflict between Christ and Jewish/Greek/Roman culture, culture in general, that produced the Mediating Church. Necessary as the conflict between the natural world and technological aptitude to perhaps realize the destiny of divinely mundane Christos; That Omega point to which no-thingness and matter evolve, or should I say resolve…
Well at this point no one can say what that is. Exactly. No one knows what the Glorified Body is, or the Mystery of Union with God, or Nirvana for that matter. But the “way” is clear…
The battle (of Self) still rages. And I am ready now. A warrior of the soul (Self), and the body (Self), dependent on the world (Self) and the Holy (Self) to fashion the battle. Personal and corporate suicide is a possibility. Hell is an option. But, so is Heaven.
Thus begins the Turn of Being, Bishop. This is not the end, this is the beginning. Nepsis, awake. Bishop. Thus I have dreamed dreams of Power.
Thus, I have turned in my sleep.
Hope to hear from you.
Sincerely, Fr. Adam
…
LAST SCENES
P.S. # I.
-I circum-drove the Trinity Nuclear Test site near White Sands, New Mexico where the first atomic bomb was detonated. (Nuclear power is for me one central symbol for the great technological leap forward characteristic of our generation and our “problem”.)
-My friend, Fr. Chris, is back in jail on molestation charges. He was arrested when I first arrived in New Mexico for the Zuni research.
-I travel around New Mexico with a friend who had come to drive me home to California. We visit El Santuario del Chimayo. A holy place. Then, we visit Los Alamos which was run by the University of California. Very uncomfortable place. Evil? Then, we make an unplanned return to Chimayo. Very holy. Nurturing place. Healing place. Then, we go to Crown Point where I am to celebrate the Sunday Masses. Go through Los Alamos again to get there by the shortest route. Get lost in Los Alamos. It’s night. Drive around and around, trying to find the right road through Los Alamos to Crown Point. Psychically I am spinning a web. A trap is set? Some sort of psychic/spiritual device to control this “power” represented by Los Alamos? Then we find the road out.
Celebrate beautiful liturgies in Crown Point. Wonderful people there.
Finally we are ready to leave New Mexico. All the people who had helped me get to and from Zuni faced many unusual obstacles. My friend’s transmission and starter blew out on his car two weeks before he came, his driver’s license was suddenly in danger of suspension, so he had to delay coming for three days, he sprained his ankle, developed a terrible cough, infected sinus, and was troubled with high blood pressure while in New Mexico. Needless to say, I felt relieved as we finally headed for home.
But I also felt under assault psychically. I drove the first ten hours until we were out of the danger zone. The final interior images were as follows:
I am the warrior. I am crouching, sheathed in skin-like armor of silver light, behind the great mandala shield which is on my left arm. It is being blasted with a constant assault of tremendous energy from the left. On the right, I am repulsing small shots of energy with the lower blade of my sword. As we travel across Arizona, I feel increasingly challenged. Rather than be overcome, I curl into a ball, lay on my side in a shallow hole in the earth and cover the hole with the earth shield. I’m just “not there” when the light filled angel of death passes over. (Tai Chi application, ‘just, don’t be there when the strike of the assailant arrives’…Sifu Crandall, UC Berkeley, Martial Arts Program.)
I find out later that, my friend in Southern California, Chris, a martial arts adept who along with his wife drove me to Zuni three months previous, is doing a ritual for our safety as we return home. I feel that his ritual blew dust and cover over the protecting shield and helped us make the trip back to California.
As we neared the western edge of the desert, the weather changed from hot and calm to high winds and cold. As we arrived at Chris’ house, it started to rain heavily, a deep blessing.
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P.S. # II.
But, Fr. Chris. is back in jail. A child molester technically. (But not a pedaphile, not pre-pubescent children. Not children. A corrupter of youths? Hemlock, anyone…? Sexual initiation was common among men and boys in Greece until around the time of Socrates. (God, how the media loves this stuff.) As a result, someone recently congratulated me on being right about how badly his case was handled by institutions and Culture. I suppose I was right. The usual institutional way of handling this sort of case not only has nothing of the Redemption in it, but it’s not even practical. Though at the time, I didn’t have any alternative that might seem obvious now. Such as: Why did you pay those people off who brought the charges? You must know how sick they are. Will they be healed by that money? No! Was Fr. Chris healed? No! Now, he is in jail. Will that heal him? You know what can happen to child molesters in jail.
Why the pay off? Legal necessity?
Why not, as an Episcopal friend recently suggested, give the victims all the pastoral counseling and care that the Church and its religious vision can provide? But not one red cent!!! Offer them what we really have. The love of God and the Church. Real care. Christians don’t sue one another. Keep them in the family, within the values of the Tradition. That might be closer to redemptive intention and just makes better sense. Better business, if that is what appeals to you. Not a bribe. Not another cover-up. Face this cultural extortion with healing. And Sacrifice. Say to the world over and over again that there is sickness here, Sin and sickness. Offer healing, not a pay off.
Perhaps you are frightened and confused, so that you keep giving the perpetrators what they want instead of what they need. What frightens you? That they will take away our possessions? They are already doing that. That there will be more such scandals? So, you cover up and pay off?
THIS IS 1990
Why don’t you just come out and say that there is more sickness and dysfunction in the society and therefore in the Church than you can pay for.
If ‘you are neither hot nor cold, (not only will) the Lord spew you out of his mouth’; the world will, is, eating us whole.
How many of these cases can the Church afford? There will be more and more. There already are. Are you a Spiritual Father in that Catholic Church or the head accountant of its bankruptcy? The bureaucratic format, (institutions covering their exposed parts), is not enough. Even the usual sort of compassion, on this level, is not enough. Only salvific action, modeled on the Passion of Christ is enough.
Fr. Chris was sent away to that rehab program in the ‘wilds’ of New Mexico. It was part of the legal deal that the lawyers worked out. (Now, civil lawyers are directing the salvific mission of the Church?!) You paid his bills. How many hundreds of thousands of dollars? He played the game.
You played the game or were played.
You continued his monthly stipend, way out there. He had a new car when he was recently arrested. He, being bright, had become a teaching assistant at the State University.
You maintained his “faculties” for him to operate as a priest. You vehemently suspended mine and abandoned me.
You “compassionately” abandoned Chris. Did all the “right”, seemingly compassionate, legal things. And destroyed him in the process. Left him on is own in Albuquerque, isolated in shame and compulsion. Materially taken care of, but out of the way! Was that a form of pay off too? After all that psychological therapy, was he healed or even restrained?
Thus we are all abandoned.
Maybe, I should thank you for not helping me. I feel quite well off now. I over-see the religious growth and sacramental needs of a small group of Catholic youth and young adults, as that is normally done in the Church. This measure of pastoral ministry keeps me balanced and confident of people’s goodness, as hitchhiking use to do for me. I am pursuing studies, art, prayer and spiritual practice as is recorded here in this story. All of this is meant to be of service to the high intentions of the Church, appropriately worked out according to what God formed in my personality. The prevailing attitude in your diocese would never have allowed that, even before your arrival.
I hope that you can now see that my actions have been the unavoidable result of my priestly vocation within the larger definition of the Church and its purpose; that your censure of me and my activities is a mistake that should be revoked, as I requested earlier.
Compared to greater tragedies in the world, this personal issue seems rather insignificant. But what if, even in these smaller issues, we actually were like visionary Christ, not dupes accommodating the hysteria of our over-stressed peers with bribes and cover; rather, real sacrificial victims, whose loving sacrifice, forgiveness, and generosity, gives life to the world.
To see these issues clearly, to perceive the real spiritual content of these situations and to act salvifically is the path of the Spiritual Warrior. It is the presence of God.
Bishop, you must now act. (Remember it is not just you whom I am addressing.) You must follow your conscience as you advised me years ago. But remember, that in the Lord’s court you will be held accountable for every one of us: Me, Chris, the children, all of us. No doubt, I am preaching to the saved…
Act, Bishop, but let the Spirit act in you.
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P.S. # III.
Stephen is at the same location in the same Southwest desert as before, with the crystal skull reliquary at his side
Stephen with great steel glass-sharp sword across the altar, the “mesa” in front.
Stephen with medicine shield, the ‘battle shield mandala’ of 8 directions. Baqua, Axis Mundi.
(I am in the center of the great mandala shield, now three dimensional and all around me, a galaxy, a universe.)
The great staff from Yemen rests at his side.
Stephen, Artificer
Dances the dance of swords
sends the webs of
binding
(Having spun the web of sacred cottonwoods (Los Alamos)
I now play the webs of the Spell.)
And
binds the insane Destruction
And binds the Criminal, injects the venom
Dances the Dance of Swords and entreats the God of War.
Is the God of War.
Stephen Artificer
spins the webs of healing.
Artificer
tends the fire of sentience;
the 5 creatures and 12 directions,
dragons of water and fire, earth, air and ether,
tends the weapons, the warrior
guards the People
Sends the Spell of Being
treading twilight,
Artificer watches for dawn, Warrior
Bishop…
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152 [18.] No One’s Funeral For There Is No One To Bury
(The Battle of Self is the Battle for the World)
See #s 14-22
Oil on Canvas 40″ x 30″ 1991
(T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets) See captions #1 and 6 below from the NEPSIS Masterlist of Paintings.
-1 [1.] This caption about my first cycle of formally successful paintings (#’s1-5) takes its inspiration from the formal set of Tai Chi wherein the martial artist begins in the “void”, Wu Chi, moves through a prescribed sequence of precise movements, then returns to the “void” at the end. Each position and movement engages an ‘energy’, Chi, generated from “nothingness” or Spirit, Shin. This first series of paintings represents a cycle of artistic abstraction, a distillation or coalescence of elements; a model, if you like, that breaks through to new realizations or a new form of being. These paintings suggest ‘young, curious, activity gazing at its destiny on the distant empty horizon’ and begin a cycle of thematic considerations that ‘circles back’ many years later in a series of paintings stylistically reminiscent of these earlier works. These paintings lead to other works of mandalic consequence. The material covered inbetween remarks upon a relationship with Surrealist Abstract Expressionism, Christian Icon, Shamanistic Fetish, Tibetan Buddhist Mandalas and the practical worldviews associated with these. These begin the cycle continued by paintings #s 6, 7, 14-22, 84-88, 93-96 from the NEPSIS Masterlist of Paintings.
8 [6.] This painting represents a series of many works that stretches over several years. The main formal elements here are the amorphic color and space in counterpoint relationship with hard-edge, linear and geometric embellishments. It is about the relationship between the general context ofbeing and specific experience as open and luminous. This subject might also be likened to the (Hopi) Sipahpuni , the point of emergence from mythic underworlds as well as the physical and psychic wombs, to levels of increasing realization. Thus, this painting indicates secondly, a poignant moment of transition in physical and personal evolution guided by the Dragon Lord, i.e., a salvific, catalytic function of Spirit in Nature; God, if you like, or Grace.
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